In the Summer/Fall edition of of the Divorce Magazine there is a helpful article which lists ten detrimental misconceptions about what really happens in court.
The article is by Judge Michele Lowrance. She suggests that it is not possible to take the moral high ground in court while aligning yourself with negativity.
Vancouver divorce attorneys know that an angry confrontation between parties can alter the course of negotiations and can quickly lead a couple into the start of a nasty divorce.
Lowrance wrote the following:
“When you find yourself at the end of your marital journey, it is excruciating to witness the brutality in the spouse you once loved, and to have a glimpse of your own brutal nature. You have shocked yourself with how easily, and even candidly, you revealed your spouse’s personal secrets to your attorney and then published those private embarrassments in a public court record. There are rare exceptions, but in order to find yourself in court you have almost certainly had to align yourself with negative and often erroneous assumptions. Here are ten of the most detrimental misconceptions about what really happens in court:
- Destruction of your spouse is an acceptable means for getting what you need.
- Your goals can be accomplished and sure victory attained by putting on a good fight. However, unlike traditional battle, where you can destroy and walk away, you might have to deal with your adversary for years to come.
- Once you ignite a match in the courtroom, you can control the direction and intensity of the flames.
- Your attorney will understand and execute your goals and desires in a way that satisfies your sensitivities and needs.
- Your concept of fairness will approximate that of the judge’s. You believe there is a clear-cut, nondiscretionary standard of justice that is not dependent upon the judge’s personal values.
- Your habitual negative thought patterns, fueled by well-developed propaganda to “create the enemy,” will cease once the trial is over.
- It is your spouse’s fault you are at trial.
- The judge wields a wand, not a gavel, and can magically solve your problems, no matter how much damage has been done to the family.
- The court process will not hurt you, because you are invulnerable. In any case, whatever pain you feel will go away once the trial is over.
- Your attorney can be vicious to your spouse, because that is your attorney’s conduct, not yours; and people who are abusively cross-examined in court never hold it against their spouse.
Too often, people end up in trial because they can’t tolerate any more negotiations. You think you are at the end of your collective ability to problem-solve. But that is not true. You may not really be at a stalemate; you may just have stale negotiations.”
As professionals of family law we have the experience you need to help you “fight” your battle without becoming negative and lighting a fire you can’t control.
Come in to Lambert Law –900 Washington Street, Suite 1010, Vancouver, WA 98660. Or click here to schedule a consultation.
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