Children benefit from associations with good grandparents.
Grandparents who love and are a positive influence in your children’s lives should remain a part of their world as you move through a divorce. This is true whether the grandparents are your parents or the parents of your spouse.
The role of grandparents can help smooth the transition into developing a new definition of family. This is only true if the grandparents are not toxic. We are going to suppose that these grandparents are not toxic and are willing to have a relationship with your children.
In a study published in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, a strong correlation is reported between the relationship with children and grandparents of where the child resides. If a child’s primary residence is with the mother, the relationship between child and maternal grandparents is often intensified and the relationship with the paternal grandparents is weakened. Conversely, if primary placement is with the father the maternal grandparent-child relationship suffers. Many children can go months or years without seeing a set of grandparents.
Once again it is imperative that we say that grandparents are only important if they are not toxic. If the paternal grandparents are in the habit of criticizing the mother or the maternal grandparents are in the habit of criticizing the father, then this is not healthy. However, grandparents who are prepared to love the children regardless of whether the parents are married, need to be encouraged to continue to be in the children’s lives.
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