A person who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD) has a very fragile personality. They are often also extremely unpredictable. This person can be highly educated and hold careers, but they struggle with their interpersonal relationships. They are sometimes described as a child locked inside an adults body. They are too emotional to function in regular adult relationships and will do well in society until someone crosses them. In an altercation they may quickly resort to destructive behaviors in order to stabilize their fragile sense of self.
Someone with BPD is most fearful of abandonment and will do whatever is necessary to avoid this rejection. They need to feel that they are loved at all times and will create dependency in their child. This dependency will create difficulty in seeing their child as separate from themselves. These relationships will be either viewed as; all good or all bad, meaning there is no middle area.
They will not acknowledge anything that exists in the “gray” area, leaving them out of touch with reality. Here are a few more ways that a parent with BPD can traumatize their child:
- The BPD parent will distort reality to make sense of inner emotions. They will might even outright lie to cope with reality.
- The BPD parent will confuse their children when they project their own behaviors onto someone else.
- The BPD parent can be very impulsive leading to inappropriate rage that may be directed at a frightened child.
- The BPD parent may appear to others to be caring adequately for the children while they are young.
- The BPD parent will completely digress when their child moves into adolescence.
- The BPD parent finds adolescence intolerable to their sense of self.
- The child will be expected to give in and allow the BPD parent to control them while staying overly attached. If they do not comply, they will begin to separate and fight with the BPD parent.
- The BPD parent will often fight impulsively, saying the worse possible things to their child.
- They might even threaten to reject their child or threaten to harm themselves, creating tremendous anxiety for the child.
Children who are raised by a BPD parent are often highly anxious, hyper-vigilant, insecure, and lack self-confidence. They lose their childhood emotionally caring for the fragile adult.
Some things that a child may experience when they are raised by a BPD parent include:
- Living with unpredictable behaviors
- Mixed messages
- Mood swings
It is important for children who are raised by BPD parents to minimize their time with that parent. When this is not a plausible option, parents may want to find a to have a parenting coordinator appointed. The child should have therapy to explore and sort out their confusion and fears. For more information about Borderline Personality Disorder, click here.
If you are in the divorce process with a parent who suffers from BPD, you should contact a Vancouver WA Divorce Attorney that can protect your rights. Click here to read about the ways Lambert Law Office can help you!