Divorce can be especially difficult for teenagers. There are many reasons why, but the one that stands out is that older children have a longer history being part of the family unit.
The longer a child has been a part of a certain situation, the more they might resist the change. In teenagers, their resistance is compounded by an extra need to test boundaries and challenge the status quo. Divorce often makes children feel completely powerless, and for teens this can be especially hard to deal with.
Regardless of how healthy or toxic their experience through the divorce has been, they will remember the fights and better times. Older children are accustomed to the existing family dynamic, even if it was not a good one.
Unlike small children, teenagers may not blame themselves for the divorce. They instead could find one parent to take sides with and blame the other parent.
Anger is a common reaction from older children and teenagers. If they are not allowed to vent, express their feelings, and feel as though they are being heard, their anger can manifest into rebellion, substance abuse, or other behaviors that are inappropriate. Since communication is difficult at this age, they are also more likely to keep their feelings to themselves.
Here are some suggestions for dealing with teenagers following your divorce:
- Ensure that your family is a democracy, meaning that having a voice and being heard is a common occurrence.
- Present a united front, meaning that mom and dad speak with the teenager together.
- Provide structure, this can create stability and set boundaries to help curb bad behavior.
Remember that children of all ages will mirror the behaviors that they see from their parents. If your children begin to act out following your divorce, it is a good idea to look within your family unit to find the cause. Crystal Lambert-Schroeder is a family attorney in Vancouver WA who is dedicated to your unique family situation. Click here to read more about our office today.