One of Vancouver Washington’s most compassionate family lawyers, Crystal Lambert-Schroeder of Lambert Law Office, would like to discuss a few tips when co-parenting after a divorce. Specifically, we would like to take this chance to talk about what can be done outside of legal proceedings that can really show you’re ready to put your children’s needs above everything else.
During a divorce, and afterward, there are many, many pieces to the puzzle. Many decisions are being made and there’s pressure on both sides to come to an agreement even when this can be very difficult. There are many aspects of divorce that must be handled through legal process, but, when it comes to your children, some of the best advice we can give is to communicate openly with them outside of the legal process.
In the heat of the moment, when anger may be guiding your decisions and the words you say, you might say something unkind about your ex-spouse or come to a decision that you might later decide is not in the best interest of your child. It is important to remember that it is never too late to make amends.
Did your child become angry and stomp away after you said something unflattering to them about their other parent? Take a moment to yourself to cool down and then go and speak with your child. Have a heart to heart and explain that even adults are wrong sometimes and it is impossible for somebody to be right all the time. Apologize and own up to your mistakes so that you can move forward with your child and maintain a loving, trusting relationship. Help them understand that you really want to put their needs first and that you’ll make a great effort to change the way you handle these difficult situations.
You may need to consider letting your children spend more time with their other parent or inviting the co-parent to a holiday gathering or school event so that your child can have both parents, both of whom they love, involved in their lives. This may involve a straight-forward discussion with your ex-spouse to open a path to a better relationship between the two of you, for the good of your child. You might need to apologize for hurtful words, to your ex-spouse and to your children.
We understand that this can be much easier said than done, and that it may be very difficult to grasp that maturity and swallow your pride. When you’re struggling, remind yourself of what is really important and do what you need to in order for your child to experience the happiness of both their parents getting along rather than fighting.
Of course it is possible that you weren’t the parent that made the mistake but maybe were the one receiving the hurtful words. If this is the case, you can still do a good deal of the work to make things better for your child. Accept an apology if it is offered, or, even if one is not, take the high road and be the bigger person. Extend an olive branch and do as much as you can to keep the peace. Even if this doesn’t work, at least you’ve been a good role model for your child and you can still grow your relationship with the child through communication.
Make an effort to always keep in mind what is best for your children. If you made some poor decisions and need help adjusting visitation or with some other matter, contact Crystal Lambert-Schroeder for advice or representation. Crystal is known as a compassionate and successful family law attorney in Vancouver Washington.
This article is indebted to the Child-Centered Divorce Blog.