Crystal Lambert-Schroeder, of Lambert Law Office in Vancouver Washington, is one of the region’s most celebrated family law attorneys. She’s professional, compassionate, trustworthy, and knowledgeable. Crystal Lambert-Schroeder understands that every issue, every case, has its own set of specific goals and requires unique skills. Crystal has also cultivated a reputation as a children’s advocate and believes in giving back to her community. She enjoys helping parents meet their children’s emotional needs during and after a divorce.
It may seem obvious, but the first thing we would like to acknowledge is that the emotional and psychological needs of children increase during and after their parents’ divorce. Children often experience a roller coaster of emotions as, seemingly, everything in their world changes. If you’re going through a divorce or recovering from one, it is important to focus on the fact that your children are going to need a lot of emotional support to move on.
We talk a lot about communication. During and after a divorce, you and your ex-spouse need to accept that you will need to work as a team to help your children through this. This can be very difficult but remember that your child needs to be the main concern. Cooperative co-parenting is the first step toward minimizing the emotional price your child has to pay for your divorce.
Here are your child’s most significant emotional and psychological needs:
Approval & Acceptance: Your child is going to seek approval because they will likely be feeling like their family has shattered. Be sure to focus dedicated time with your child daily so that they feel accepted and like they belong. Be sure that your child knows that they are important and of high priority.
Safety & Security: As much as you may have tried to avoid it, hopefully anyway, your child may have been exposed to a lot of arguing and high tempers lately. You need to go above and beyond to let your child know that you will do anything it takes to protect them and keep them safe. Further, do as much as you can to focus on the routines in their life that aren’t changing. Maintain as much normalcy as you can.
Release from Blame: Your child is likely to experience feelings of guilt and blaming themselves as they internalize the situation. Even if your child never expresses these feelings, it is reasonable to assume they’re harboring these feelings. Both parents need to, repeatedly, assure the children that they are free of all blame in the cause of the split up.
Structure & Discipline: With one parent now absent from the home, it is totally natural for children to test the boundaries to see where they stand. During and after a divorce, it is vital that you maintain structure within your home and keep hold of consistent discipline to promote good behavior. This will help your children to understand that life goes on despite their perception that everything has changed.
Permission to be a Kid: It is of utmost importance that you recognize that your children cannot serve as confidant for your emotional needs. Do not expect your children to heal your wounds. Seek adult companionship in friends or a therapist, if needed, to confide in and to help the process of your healing. Don’t overburden your children with too many details or your own emotional distress.
Keep these tips in mind to help you fulfill your child’s emotional needs after your divorce. Focus on them every day and give them love and attention every day. Hug them and assure them that life will go on and happiness is achievable.
If you need help with your divorce, contact Crystal Lambert-Schroeder at Lambert Law Office in Vancouver Washington today. Crystal can help you through the divorce process and help keep the focus on your children to serve and protect them.
This article is indebted to the Child-Centered Divorce Blog.