When children have a hard time coping with the divorce of their parents, it is not uncommon for them to see a therapist to voice their concerns and feelings about the situation. In these sessions, a therapist will commonly ask for the child’s “three wishes” to make their family better. Not surprisingly, the answers from these children are often quite similar.
The first answer is one of the most common: “I wish my parents would get back together again.” Most children, regardless of their age, wish their parents would reunite. This desire is at its strongest during the initial separation, and will begin to fade over time. Many children will carry this wish them long after the divorce, and even after one or both parents remarry.
The second common response to the “three wishes” question is: “I wish my parents would act like friends when they are around me.” Children like to see their parents get along because it keeps things calm and peaceful. This does not mean that parents must start being friends, but it does suggest that respect can go a long way. Showing your child that you appreciate and respect the fact that they love the other parent can make a big difference. Some children have a sense of loyalty to their parents, which puts them in the middle.
The third question often heard by child therapists is: “I wish my parents would make me feel like I live in both homes.” This is important because when a child feels respected as a part of the family, they can truly figure out who they are. Their identity relies in their ability to connect with their family and feel at home where they live. Making positive efforts to keep a connection is important, along with showing them that there is a place for them at both homes. For more information about children’s wishes following their parent’s divorce, click here.
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