Whether you’ve already completed your divorce proceedings, or if you’re just starting the divorce process, if there are children involved it is very important to be constantly aware of your actions and be a good role model for your kids. If there is another person involved on the other side, such as a new love interest, avoid bad-mouthing them, especially in front of your children. Best to try to avoid it at all as you never know when your children may be listening. If you need advice or are facing a divorce, contact Crystal Lambert-Schroeder of Lambert Law Office for compassionate legal advice or help with your divorce. Crystal Lambert-Schroeder is an experienced and highly qualified family law attorney in Vancouver Washington.
One thing we’d like to stress is the importance of separating children from adult conversations. As tempting as it may be, even if you’ve got a mature teenager, do not confide in your children or discuss the cause of a divorce too in depth. Be careful even mentioning the ‘other woman’ or ‘other man’ if you’re not sure the children are even aware of that person yet. If you need somebody to talk to, which is completely reasonable, confide in friends or a therapist or divorce coach. Don’t try to put your children in a situation where they feel stuck in the middle or like they have to choose one parent over another. Instead, in discussions with your kids, discuss how the family is changing, but not dissolving. The relationships will adjust but they’ll still have their family. If you can work with your ex-spouse on this, for the good of the children, it will be better for all involved.
Do not bad mouth your ex or their new love interest. This includes phone calls, discussions in another room, anywhere that your children might overhear. It’s important to remember that, no matter what your feelings may be, your children love both of their parents and will be confused and hurt if they feel that they need to dislike their other parent in order to support you or gain your approval.
Focus on your own self-worth. If there’s a new love interest for your ex, don’t fall into the trap of allowing yourself to feel less than that other person or to play the comparisons game. Don’t turn it into a competition and don’t argue with your ex about the other person. That person, along with your ex, will deal with the consequences of their own actions. It won’t be easy, but rise above and be the bigger person. Embrace your new self and your new life. Focus on your relationships with your children and your relationship with yourself and happiness will come.
Do not make your children feel bad for liking your ex’s new interest. Remember, in all things, you’re a role model for your children. This isn’t easy but remember that your children are looking to you for an example of how to act in this world. That doesn’t change, and perhaps even becomes more relevant, when their world changes during and after a divorce. Model mature adult behavior and your children will learn from your example. Teach compassion and love, always.
If you need help negotiating your divorce, contact Crystal Lambert-Schroeder at Lambert Law Office today. Crystal has a reputation as being a children’s advocate and is one of Vancouver’s top family law attorneys. Read more about her amazing career here.
This article is indebted to the Child-Centered Divorce Blog.